So Unsexy

I love those moments where you find a song that speaks directly to you – that encompasses exactly what you are thinking at that moment. I’m a fan of Alanis’, but I hadn’t heard all of Under Rug Swept until a few days ago. This tune was perfect...especially today, as I prepare to defend my masters thesis. Every insecurity I’ve ever had seems to be coming to the surface in this moment and all (most) even I know are unjustified. But it’s so much easier to think less of myself than more, because I rarely meet my own expectations. We’ll see how things go tomorrow, and hopefully I can prove even to myself that I accomplished something here.


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So Unsexy - Alanis Morissette


Oh these little rejections how they add up quickly
One small sideways look and I feel so ungood
Somewhere along the way I think I gave you the power to make
Me feel the way I thought only my father could

Oh these little rejections how they seem so real to me
One forgotten birthday I'm all but cooked
How these little abandonments seem to sting so easily
I'm 13 again am I 13 for good?

I can feel so unsexy for someone so beautiful
So unloved for someone so fine
I can feel so boring for someone so interesting
So ignorant for someone of sound mind

Oh these little protections how they fail to serve me
One forgotten phone call and I'm deflated
Oh these little defenses how they fail to comfort me
Your hand pulling away and I'm devastated

When will you stop leaving baby?
When will I stop deserting baby?
When will I start staying with myself?

Oh these little projections how they keep springing from me
I jump my ship as I take it personally
Oh these little rejections how they disappear quickly
The moment I decide not to abandon me